Adventures of Alison & Felix
by soccercopdoc
Summary: Campy / funny fic I wrote based on an idea that someone gave me: Alison and Felix team up to handle a situation and glitter is involved. (Might make this series of silly adventures.)


"Holy christmas!" Alison shrieks as the man comes around the table after her.

"Alison, watch out!" Felix screams.

Alison scrambles to grab something to defend herself. Suddenly she wishing she'd paid more attention in all those self-defense lessons Beth had put her though. Alison turns ready to claw the man's eyes and sees Felix running up behind the intruder.

"You're going down" she says with a smirk right before Felix smashes a big glass canister of glitter over his head.

"I'm yelling gliiiiiiiiiiiteeerrrrr!" Felix sings with a flourish as the man falls to the floor unconscious, earning him a scathing look from Alison.

"Wha? It got the job done, yea?" Felix huffs at the woman next to him.

"Yes Felix, well done." Alison sighs out. She's already trying to figure out what to do next.

"We should call Sarah." Felix says pulling out his phone, but Alison slaps it to the floor.

"Oi!" Felix yells as he bends down to pick up the phone.

"Sorry," the soccer mom says before taking a deep breath, "No, we are not calling Sarah. We can handle this."

Felix looks at her like she's lost her mind and opens his mouth to say just that. Alison straightens herself and lifts her chin.

"We cannot go running to Sarah every time something happens. She has enough to deal with." Alison says in an imperious tone that garners no argument.

"Ok, you're right," Felix nods in agrement, "So what do we do now?"

Alison looks at the man on the floor and then around the room. They don't really have a lot of options, so they're going to have to improvise.

"Ok, let's get him in the chair." Alison says.

They work together, it's a bit of a struggle but after a few minutes they get the man propped up into the chair.

"Hand me some tape Felix" Alison says nodding to the table by the window.

"Which one? You've got like 20 rolls of it!" Felix looks at the craft table exasperated.

"It doesn't matter, just hurry." Alison retorts.

Felix grabs the roll closest to him and hands it to the soccer mom.

"Zebra?," Alison almost laughs out loud, "help me get him taped to the chair."

This whole situation is crazy she thinks as she winds the tape around the man's wrists. Felix grabs the bright pink roll of tape and starts on his ankles. They work in silence trying their best to get the stranger taped to the chair as quickly as possible. When they're both satisfied that the man cannot escape they step away. The man looks ridiculous taped to a chair with zebra print on the right and bright pink duct tape on the left.

"What now?" Felix questions.

Alison shakes her head before walking over to the craft table. She looks it over hoping that something might jump out at her. She hums to herself as her eyes land on a familiar object.

"Seriously?" Felix laughs. The soccer mom simply smiles.

"Well, it might work." Alison shrugs.

"Ok, we should do good cop bad cop." Felix suggests.

Alison tilts her head considering it, but before she can respond Felix jumps up and down clapping.

"Oh my god, I wanna go change, so I can look more intimidating." He says enthusiastically.

"Crap and crackers, Felix! We're going to do good cop / bad cop, not good cop / gay cop." Alison all but yells.

"Well, I'm defiantly the good cop." He says with a smile.

Alison's eyebrows shoot into her hairline and she tilts her head.

"What's that supposed to mean?" She asks squinting her eyes at him menacingly.

"You know exactly what that means." Felix whispers.

The soccer mom's face takes on a redness that Felix has never seen on her before. She opens and closes her mouth before stomping her foot. The moment is interrupted when they hear groaning from the man in the chair. The intruder lifts his head to look at them.

Alison lifts her chin and points her finger at Felix.

"We will talk about this later." She whispers angrily at him.

"I'm sure we will." Felix says with a dramatic eye roll.

Alison huffs and turns back to the stranger. She takes a step forward and looks down at him trying to be intimidating, like Beth taught her. The idea of the other woman fills her with warmth and gives her an adrenaline rush.

"Who are you?" Alison asks stepping closer to the man, showing him she's not scared.

The man does not reply, just stares at her.

"Why are you here?" Felix jumped in, trying to show a united front.

"What do you want?" Alison demanded. She was getting angry and was running out of patience.

The man continued to stare at them, refusing to reply.

"Alright, fine with me. We'll do this the hard way," the soccer mom smiled, "Felix, the gun."

Felix turned on his heel and headed to the craft table. That got the man's attention. He wasn't expecting a gun and he tried to shift in the chair. He craned his neck, trying to look around Alison.

"Wait…..wait." the intruder breathed.

Alison and Felix both turned to look at him and nodded for him to continue. Felix walked back over to stand by Alison's side.

"Continue", he says.

"Rachel sent me." The man said.

"Why would one-eye Duncan want you?" Felix wondered aloud.

"Both of you." The stranger replied.

"What? Why?" Alison and Felix asked at the same time.

The man says nothing.

"Felix, a moment." the soccer mom breaths out in an annoyed tone. She turns on her heel before walking across the room and out the door.

Felix hurries after her wondering what Alison has up her sleeve. As soon as he shuts the door Alison grabs his arm and pulls him into the hallway

"Alright, Felix. I think we should do this your way." The suburbanite whispers.

"Really?" Felix asks surprised.

"Yes. The muse has struck and I believe that this could be my best performance yet."

"Are you bloody kidding me?" Fe groans.

"Only partially," Alison laughs," and anyway I think that this is the only card we have to play. Do you still want to go change?"

Felix shakes his head no and watches as Alison rolls her shoulders and then cracks her neck from side to side. She bounces on the balls of her feet and hums.

"We can only do this if you follow my lead without question. Can you do that?" she inquires getting into character

"Holy shit, Eliza." Felix jokes remembering having said it to her before.

"Is that a yes?" Alison asks haughtily.

"Hell yea," He responds, "I have underestimated you Hendrix. Soccer Mum my arse."

"You have no idea." Alison says waving off the compliment.

Alison and Felix enter the room again and walk to the intruder. Alison gives him the once over before turning to Fe.

"Give me your scarf." She orders.

Felix hands it over and gives the man a sympathetic look, playing up the good cop roll. Alison takes it from him and ties it around the stranger's eyes.

"Trust me," she sneers into the man's ear, "you don't want to see what's coming next."

Felix looks at her questioningly and the soccer mom smirks back. Felix has to cough to cover his laugh.

"Felix, the gun. Now." Alison commands so calmly and coldly that Felix worries for a second about what she might actually do with it.

"Are you sure? I mean maybe he'll talk if we give him another chance." Fe begs, hamming it up for effect.

"No!," Alison shouts, "he had his chance. Now we do this my way."

"You're right. I'm sorry, please…..I'm sorry." Felix whimpers.

Alison raises an eyebrow and shakes her head, telling Felix he's going a bit far. Felix shrugs it off. Alison keeps going.

"Maybe we should call Helena," Alison suggests, "She'd take care of this for us. I would hate to get any blood on my craft room floor."

"Oh god no, not Helena, she's a nutter. She'll cut his bloody arms off or something." Felix stutters out.

"You're right. She's my sister, but she's a bit crazy." Alison hums as if considering it for a moment.

"I mean Rachel is crazy, but Helena is a cakewalk compared to her." Alison says walking closer to the man.

The man is shifting uncomfortably in his chair, flexing his hands into fists. Alison and Felix share a knowing look. They are getting somewhere and soon this man will tell them what they need to know.

"Enough of this!," the suburbanite yells , "Felix, I am done talking. The gun. Now!"

Felix grabs the gun off the table and hands it to her. She pulls the trigger.

"Oooww, fuck. What the fuck are you doing?" the man bellows as the hot glue runs all over his neck and chest.

"Oh, this?," Alison questions with a laugh, "this is nothing. We're just getting started."

Felix is trying his hardest not to laugh at the sight of this tiny angry soccer mum. Alison has the glue gun in her hand and the other is on her hip. They have definitely all underestimated this tiny live wire. He grins at her as she pulls the trigger again.

"Shiiiiiit, man. Stop! This is crazy. You are fucking crazy." The man cries out.

"Save yourself. Tells us why Rachel sent you or Alison here will start to move a bit lower with that glue gun, if you know what I mean." Felix warns.

"Ok, ok…..jesus. I thought you were just a soccer mom, shit. I had no idea what a crazy fu.." the man is cut off by a loud resounding smack by Alison who is now shaking out her hand with a pained look on her face.

"No more words!" Alison hisses out vehemently and Fe thinks she may not be acting anymore.

"The only thing I want to hear from you is why the crap Rachel sent you." She demands icily.

"Alright. She told me to come get Sarah's sister and brother. She's gonna like use you for bait or something. " He stammers.

"Why?" Alison wonders.

"I don't know. She has some weird obsession with Sarah." The man states

"That's true." Fe pipes up from behind.

"Nothing else you need to tell us?" the soccer mom inquires.

"No, I swear. I was just told you get you two and bring you back as a way to get Sarah. That's it." The man answers.

"Fine. Felix, call Det. Bell and tell him to come take out the trash." Alison instructs.

Fe dials Art as Alison walks over to the craft table and begins to rummage around. When she comes back over she sets to work on the man in the chair. Felix can only stare at the scene unfolding in front of him.

Art arrives to pick the man up and bursts into laughter at the sight of him. Leave it to Hendrix to think this up. The man's face is covered in glitter and there are neon feathers stuck to his neck and chest.

"What? What? The man asks bewildered.

Fe reaches over and pulls his scarf off the man's eyes. The man blinks a few times before he gasps and lets out a string of obscenities.

Alison smirks at Felix who can only laugh as Art and another detective drag the man out of the room.

"So. I believe a drink is in order." Fe says

"You're right," Alison sighs, "but only after we talk about the Beth thing."

Felix raises an eyebrow and smirks at the tiny woman.

"I never said anything about Beth." Fe laughs as he pours them both a drink.

Alison's face reddens and she sips her wine knowing that this will be a very long conversation.

"Maybe one drink before we talk." She whispers.


End file.
